| I'm a woman at heart. |
[Jun. 20th, 2005|04:14 pm] |
Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male |
Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you! |
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| In your eyes...I know everything will be ok. |
[Jun. 9th, 2005|05:35 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | SR- 71 - In Your Eyes | ] |
Love, I get so lost, sometimes
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
When I want to run away
I drive off in my car
But whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are
All my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
In your eyes
The light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
The heat I see in your eyes
Love, I don't like to see so much pain
So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive
And all my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, wihout my pride
I reach out from the inside
In your eyes
The light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
The heat I see in your eyes
In your eyes in your eyes |
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| Fucking hangovers.. |
[Jun. 5th, 2005|01:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
Ok so yesterday was my cousins graduation party. I showed up at his house around 1:30 and hung out with Him Caleb and Brandon for a while. We ate tons of food and sat outside in the hot sun for a while before deciding to go to the lake my grandparents used to live on. We swam out to the rock that was in front of their old house. Talk about a walk down memory lane...me and my cousins used to go to that house every weekend since the day we were born. I miss those times...
Anyway...we went back to his house and watched a stand up comedy dvd. Funny as hell. Then we went downstairs and played Halo for a while. We went upstairs and started watching some stupid movie that was on TV. Denise called...this is where the "fun" started. I went outside and layed on the diving board while I was talking to her. She said that she had read my journal entry..and that she "didn't need this right now". It's not like I was purposly making myself worried just to piss her off. I care about her too much...more than anything. I love her. I can't stand the thought of anything bad happening and ruining us. So anyway...we ended up basically hanging up on each other. I sent her a few text messages about how I was sorry that I ruin her life and that I want whatever makes her happy. She calls me back...I'm still laying outside drowning in my own fucking misery. I don't even remember what we talked about.. I feel like such an asshole though. I probably ruined her whole night. I'm such a miserable piece of fucking shit. Go me.
I went back inside after laying there for a little bit longer staring at the sky. I told Kyle that I needed to talk to him. We went downstairs and I told him everything that was going on...I told him I wanted to get drunk. He went upstairs and grabbed 3 beers to start...one for me him and caleb. They ended up not wanting theirs so I drank all 3 in like...15 minutes. Then we drank the rest of the Raspberry Smirnoff that was left over from the "adults" at the party. 2 for me...1 for each of them. Then Kyle made screwdrivers. 2/3 Voldka 1/3 orange juice in those big plastic party cups. I had 2 of those. By this time..I was trashed. I went upstairs to take a piss... then I layed down on the couch and called Denise...I don't remember much of the conversation...but I know I said I was going to go home and go to bed. She said no...uhh...yeah that's pretty much all I can remember from that. I went downstairs and told my cousin I wanted to go home and go to sleep. He was still pretty sober since all he had drunk was the one smirnoff. He brought me into the other room and told me to get into the bed and sleep. I layed down about half way on the bed...half on the floor. He told me to get up into the bed the rest of the way..I did..he turned on a fan and told me to get to sleep. I passed out pretty fast...I can remember waking up like 5 times in the night to stumble upstairs and take a piss. I think at one point I woke up and I couldn't fall back asleep so I text msged Denise to see if she was awake. I don't think she was. She called and woke me up at one point...I really wanted to talk to her but my cell phone was pretty much dead so I had to go. I had a wicked bad headache anyway. Passed back out and woke up around 11:30...headache still there. My cousin was up...I told him that I was going to head home...and now here I am.
I'm sorry if I ruined your night Denise... |
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| It's been a while... |
[Jun. 4th, 2005|10:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Marilyn Manson - Mobscene | ] |
It's been a while since I've posted. I've just been too busy I guess...between work, school, and hanging out with people, I'm just not home enough.
Let's see...what's been going on..Lots of drama with Denises parents...I wont get into that..I'll let her handle telling everyone whats going on if she wants. Hmm...what else...damn my bad memory. Uhh...senior ball is coming up soon...Went and saw star wars...uhhhhhhh....Ack...I just woke up and I can't remember the last week of my life...go me.
I'm out. Peace. |
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| Hmm.. |
[May. 30th, 2005|02:33 pm] |
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Yeah so I deleted some of my journal because I thought my parents were reading it but it turns out they weren't...so here it is again. |
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| Another day another dollar...yeah... |
[May. 9th, 2005|09:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Denises voice in my ear | ] |
Yeah so today was a pretty ok day at school. Algebra was ok..except Mr Cohen was trying to teach us something and then he ended up doing it wrong so the whole class was a waste. Had photo with Denise and we hand colored the whole block. Got out of third block again so I spent it with Denise. Watched a movie in history. Denise came over after school and we went to the mall. I intended to get kackies and a new hoodie...I got the kackies and we left...and in the car ride home I realized that I didn't get a hoodie. I was pissed. Me and Denise also convinved that I was a rainbow colored shirt for Senior Ball. So funny...we came back home and hung out in my room...had dinner...hung out in my room some more...went for a walk in the sand pit...hung out in my room some more. "Hung out" Haha. We brought her home and I ended up fighting with my mom because she wouldn't let me drive...she still thinks that I can't drive. Denise was kinda pissed about that and went inside her house without even saying I love you or giving me a real kiss. That kinda hurt. It's ok now tho....so yeah I'm gonna go get some cereal and talk to Denise...
Toodles. |
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| Rest in Peace Uncle Jack |
[May. 8th, 2005|04:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Very Upset | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Senses Fail - Choke on This | ] |
I found out around noon today that my uncle died last night around 11:50. My cousin called me and wanted me to come over, so obviously I went. It didn't really hit me until I got there. Everyone was just blank faced. It was like they were all hurt to the point where they couldn't show emotion. I told everyone how sorry I was...I wish I could have seen him before he passed away. I was talking to my cousin 1 on 1 in his room. He started telling me about last night. He said that before he left for his prom...he went over to his dads bed. He said that he could tell he wasn't going to last much longer. He couldn't verbally respond...but he could listen. He told him "I love you dad.." and he said "I told kelly (his stepmom) to call me if things get bad...I promise I will be right here by you to the end" And of course...about an hour into his prom...he gets the call that his dad isn't going to make it through the night. He went home to his dad laying in bed....struggling even to take the smallest breath of air. He said that he got down beside his dad. He said that he was taking these huge gasping breaths where he would breath in...and not breath out for a few seconds. He said you thought he was gonna die with each breath...but he held on. He said his dad didn't want to die..and he was trying to hold on. He then told me that he said "Dad...It's ok. Let go." and on his next gasp for breath...he didn't breath back out. His eyes rolled back and he was gone. Kyle said that he shut his fathers eyelids for him. He waited for the people to take him away...and he followed them out to the ambulance. He saw his dad off to work every day. He told me that it was like seeing him off to work for the last time. I could feel that I was about to just lose it and start crying. I held it back...it hurt to hold it back. It physically hurt. I couldn't break down there tho. I held myself together, until I got in the car and left. I was telling my mom what Kyle had said to me..about describing last night...or at least I tried to tell her. The second I started talking I broke down. I couldn't talk. All I could do was cry. I haven't stopped crying since we left. It's not fair...he was such a good person. Before I left my cousins house he told me to make sure that my family and I go once a year for a checkup. He said that he wouldn't let anyone else in his family get lost to cancer. I gave him a hug and I told him that I would make sure. I can't even really see what I'm typing right now.....too much water in my eyes. I'm gonna go. |
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| Horray for today... |
[May. 6th, 2005|09:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Marilyn Manson - The Speed of Pain | ] |
Hmm...Today was another great day. School went by fine....classes were easy and the day flew by. After school I had my job interview at Hannaford. That went great. They hired me on sight. Woot. So now I offically have a job. Go me. After that I went to Denises house. Watched her clean the good ol van...and we went inside...got some food...and went to pickup Amber. Then we went to Rochester. Amber wanted to get her tounge pierced but the place was closed. So that was a total waste of time...but that's ok. It was a fun drive. I even started singing...which I never do around other people. Saw Allison St. Jean at Cumbys *trying* to pump gas...but she just couldn't seem to get the technique down. It looked funny as hell. Me and Amber were making fun of her....good times. So then we got back to Denises...didn't get to stay there very long because my parents are stupid. Oh well..had a fun afternoon/evening.
And Prom is tomorow...yay...
and that's all folks.
Toodles. |
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| Prom draws near... |
[May. 5th, 2005|08:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Linkin Park - Numb | ] |
Today was a good day. Classes went fine. Photo was good as always...made some decent pictures and I was with Denise for like a half hour...in the dark room...alone...yeah. Then I skipped 3rd block again to be with her. Got a little homework done...ect. Watched a movie in History. Went home real fast after school to drop my stuff off and get a drink. Went and watched some of the stupid grand march practice. Then I drove Justin Ryan and Jesus to Justins house...and we all went to the mall after to get our tux's. We raced Ben down the highway...and ended up loosing him and Ryan. I also got a hold of Bens car keys and moved his car while he was at work. Haha. So yeah...got my tux. Talked to Mikes dad about after prom...well he talked to my parents anyway. Everything is all set with that. Now it's all on Denises mom's decision. I'm sure she'll say yes..I'm not worried. Prom is going to kick so much ass....I put on my tux and haha...I can't believe I'm actually going to be seen wearing that. Oh well. It will be a fun night. Well I'm gonna go shower and do some homework.
Toodles darling. |
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